Divorce Without Lawyers: 13 Ways to Settle with Strength, Kindness, and Your Kids at the Heart 

Divorce doesn’t have to be a battle. You can settle things with clarity, respect, and your children’s well-being always in sight—no lawyers needed. Here’s how. 

Introduction 

You’re stronger than you think. 
Divorce is tough, especially when kids are involved. But it doesn’t have to be about fighting or giving in. It’s about finding a way forward that works for everyone—efficient, fair, and rooted in care. 

I’m a retired lawyer turned peaceful divorce strategist, and I believe in your ability to do more than you imagine. 


Settling without lawyers isn’t about weakness; it’s about stepping onto the mat with confidence, ready to work together for mutual benefit. 
Here are 13 practical ways to make it happen. 

13 Tips for More Effective Settlement Discussions 

  1. Expect More Than One Meeting 

    Real change takes time. Be patient with yourself and each other. 

  2. Choose the Right Time and Place 

    Meet when you’re rested, not rushed, and away from the kids. 

  3. Keep Your Kids at the Center 

    Place a photo of your children on the table as a reminder of what matters most. 

  4. Make Your Family Mission Statement Visible 

    Create a Family Mission Statement focused on the kids, and use it as your screensaver. Let your values guide you. 

  5. Agree to Pause When Needed 

    If things get heated, stop. Come back when you’re ready. 

  6. Accept What You Can’t Change 

    Share financial info early. Check mortgage eligibility before deciding on the family home. Recognize that some habits won’t change. All of these things will help you avoid ending up in court battles.

  7. Understand Child Support 

    Even with 50-50 parenting, the higher earner pays child support. Agreeing now saves time and tension. 

  8. Seek Mediation for Power Imbalances 

    If things feel unfair or if the discussion keeps going sideways, don’t feel you need to do it all yourselves. A skilled mediator can help get your discussions back on track. 

  9. Accept that Legal Help May Be Required 

    Sometimes, a lawyer’s input is needed—even just for an hour if you’re stuck on one issue. Sometimes knowing what would happen in court will help get you back on track. 

  10. Assume Good Intentions 

    People often act to meet our expectations. Believe your former spouse wants to settle, too and see what happens. After all, you both love your kids and want what’s best for them. 

  11. Be Curious, Not Furious 

    Approach discussions with openness, not anger. 

  12. Avoid Labels 

    Don’t call your spouse names or label them a narcisist. Focus on what your kids need, and that is parents who can treat each other with respect. 

  13. Protect Your Kids from Adult Issues 

    Never discuss settlement details or your former spouse with your children. 

 

Closing 

You have what it takes to settle things with strength and kindness. 
When you work together, you create a foundation your kids can count on—and a future that’s better for everyone. 

Ready to start? Click here to read more and take the first step toward a gentler way forward.

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